Weary?

I really feel like weary is not the proper term I need right now for how I have been feeling, but for now it will need to suffice as I do my usual duty of rambling on with nonsense as I attempt to tell the world my sorrows and delights. I am not quite sure of the word that is needed in my mind at this point. Do you ever find yourself thinking that? Do you ever ponder something deep in your mind, to the point where it seems to bring you down in a weird funk? I always get in weird funks, but because I am one to internalize everything, when I get around people or social gatherings I tuck it away in my little box only to unleash a great mess of emotions all over my journal's pages seconds before I sleep later that night. As of right now I am in that terrible funk and i can't seem to describe it. None of the words i have scoped out in my little pocket dictionary seem to connect with me right now. Irritated is too harsh. Annoyed too brash and weary seems to dramatic. I'm tired, but that doesn't seem to work either. I suppose I will just have to let the right word find me. Does that also really happen in life? Does God "find" us? Does true love "find" us? Are we really just supposed to wait on the side lines and clap as the rest go by, on their way to claiming their glory and living their futures? I think its up to me to manifest my own destiny. i think its up to me to create myself, but why have I not begun? Am i afraid of failure? I'm too sure. Hmmm. I need to eat. cookies anyone?