Its saturday;

He's still out to get me.
Just don't let me down.

Make of it what you will;

I'm taking a break from the bracelet.
Its somewhat symbolic.
You don't get it, but i do.
I'm giving myself a break for the night.


On a somewhat brighter note- Ottoman by Vampire Weekend is a great tune.
I'm really feeling it.
:]

Good night ladies and germs i'm going on a bike ride.
Its time for mama j to think about life and all it has to offer.
Life is good and she is going to take advantage of it.
Now she sits and thinks, tomorrow she lives.

...

my wishes at 11:11 have slowly, over time become a time of prayer for me.
Its always been that way, since i was young.
I start off with a simple wish, then i insert the lord's name and a few hopeful praises with phrases like, "please lord" or the occasional, "i pray lord that you could..." I think its funny how my mind works.
Today's wishful prayer revolved soley around the idea that i need to really become a deeper human being.
I too have moments of hypocrisy.I nag and complain about my dislike for ignorant, arrogant, disgusting thoughts of people. I dislike gossip and drama, yet somehow i too partake in it all. I'm a hypocrite.
I'm trying to reform my ways.
Here is my first step on my journey of reformation.

Nag me please;

I sometimes wonder at what point it is is in our lives that we realize what it is that we want.
I mean for the most part I'm a pretty stable gal who has a darn good head on her shoulders, who has all the will, drive and yearn to achieve so much. I want to be SOMETHING. I always here my mom, professors, trainers, friends and neighbors tell me about their struggles and their good time and all that jazz. It just seems to me that they finally found themselves so recently. They're old, or at least alot older than me and they have just barely begun to get what they want. I want to go back to my origin of inspiration. I want to walk across my front lawn and into Ms. Shirley's when i need advice. I want to scooter to the olive ave. market and get a small ice tea, i want to text marie that we are in dire need of life talks, pick her up instantly and just sit at fox coffee half talking half stalking. I want get on a ribbon, a web or a trapeze. i want my mom to yell at me for my room being messy. Why is it that we have such great times as we grow, but the minute you take us out of our comfort zones we get all confused and freaked out?? Maybe its just me. I want to go tanning with CC in her backyard, i want to awkwardly cry out yelps that sound like a donkey or an emu with april or run with jon through target playing hide and seek. I want to ride unicycles with jesse or get yelled at by emily during acro because i'm too loud. I guess i should just stop wanting and instead start doing. life is what i make of it, blah blah blah.
I'm making something of it everyday, but i'm still not sure that i'm creating what i want.

Oh Swifty;

Wow, that comment was definitely not meant to be taken at face value. I didn't intend for that reaction. That just goes to prove ladies and gents that reading satire after satire of Jonathan swift will surely give you a sarcastic, mocking tone to your everyday voice for the day. I think i offended one too many people today with my attempt at being funny. my bad.


Whoops!
oh well.
:]

Sup.

You can take the girl out of the circus, but you can't take the circus out of the girl.
Its the truth.
I will not escape- rather, it will not escape me.
I live for circus.
I miss it.
Just letting you know.
I miss it.
oh wait i said that already.
my bad.

greensnot;

DAMN YOU GODS OF SICKNESS AND RUNNY NOSES!!!!

I AM WORTHY;

I have this pressure behind my eyes.behind my brain.I so badly want to attribute it to the sinus infection.the runny nose. or possibly the conjested nasal cavity.I'm sure its none if these. I have this weight on my mind, my soul, my body.
I don't know how to relieve it- scratch that, i know just how to relieve it but i can't seem to reach far enough out to grasp on to the only antidote that i know exists. I feel in my heart and soul that what i need most is to go back to my knees where i met my savior not too long ago. judge me all you want ladies and gents but i am a follower of jesus christ. i struggle with it just like everyone else, but nonetheless i try my hardest to live with him on my side, walking my path, loving me. i have this issue though, with people, with blind faith, with arrogance. I love jesus, he gets me, but i have this dis-respect (if that's even correct grammar) for the arrogance of so many christ followers in today's society. so many ignorant, arrogant comments about the christian life disgust me. i am having trouble laying my crown at the feet of jesus. I can't help but feel a constant flow of happiness from the liberating feeling that jesus brings me, but at the same time i can't help but feel binded from the many flaws of people and religion. our pastor asked if anyone was struggling in the slightest in any aspect of their life today. he wanted to know if anyone was having trouble holding on to the hope of the kingdom of god. he wanted to know who was straying away from the arms of jesus. he wanted those who needed a prayer, a hug, guidance to stand today to be prayed for- or whatever it may be that was troubling us. I stood up today at church. i stood in a courageous effort to let myself know that i have to admit that i need some help here and there. i was told today, by someone i care for dearly that i wasn't worthy enough to stand at the feet of christ. how am i supposed to feel unconditionally loved when someone tells me that i didn't deserve to be prayed for this evening?? "I wouldn't have been so arrogant jenna, I wouldn't have stood. I would not have stood with you . I'm sorry, i don't mean to make a judgement call on you, but you really didn't deserve to stand up today. There are so many more problems in the world. people deal with death, disease and famine, but you- you have such miniscule issues in your life compared to so many. Don't you think it was selfish that you stood to be saved tonight?" I don't get it.


I'm sorrry, I must have felt worthy there for a second, my bad.

Rock n' Roll :]

"He’s been waiting around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
So make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night
If he wants to rock he rocks
If he wants to roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wants to stay he stays
If he wants to go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forgetting the topical regrets
If she comes home all alone the nights a bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust if only in the morning
She knew where she lived
'Cause If she wants to rock she rocks
If she wants to roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wants to stay she stays
If she wants to go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They sing
If they want to rock they rock
If they want to roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they want to stay they stay
If they want to go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na"
-Eric Hutchinson :]

Now;

All we can do is keep breathing.