Again;

I still continue to serve everyone else before myself.
what happens when i finally help everyone get their lives together, and then mine falls apart?
I won't let that happen.
I've got the best grip this side of the mississippi.
Literally and metaphorically speaking.
I've got to keep holding on.

Sometimes i feel like everything is moving so damn fast past me and I'm just standing here in a blur of people, plans and time.
Everything is sweeping past me faster than i can catch on. All I need is one damn minute to take a breath, but it just seems like nobody is giving me that chance to breathe, It's my own fault though i suppose, I brought this on myself.

I could have changed it all, I could have prevented this all, but I didn't. I'm stubborn.
This is one thing I wish i could change. I've fallen behind. I will never be able to catch up at this rate.

I've got to get my priorities straight. I'm going to go try to figure things out.

First I need to feed my cat.

tis true;

Today was by far the best day of my life.
who would have thought that so many people actually care so deeply about me that they would be willing to spend a glorious saturday evening surprising me.

I never knew that so many people actually loved me that much.
I can't believe that my tiny little life meant the world to so many.


I love you.
without a doubt.
I love you all.
you all complete me and make me who i am.


I still feel like i'm dreaming..

I'm still speechless.

drained

I'm tired.
I'm weary.
In a sense, I'm zonked.
There is definitely too much going on, and i seem to keep blaming all the domestic problems on one thing, or one person, for that matter.
Its horrible of me, but i do it.
I can't help how I feel.
To live a life that is even half as cool as the people i associate with, I must run around in circles pleasing certain people and finishing everything.
Its a never ending cycle of stress and emotions.
But guess what world, I CAN DO IT.

Jesse, I'm coming over to play your piano.

It helps me.
I know its really lame.
[eye roll]

But i really enjoy playing.

She Hides it Well;

At some point in your life, you begin to understand a lot of things.
These things could be as simple as understanding a math problem, but they can even be as complicated as analyzing your relationships with people or grasping the fact that it is possible to live without your mother. From the simple things to the complex things, we eventually learn that we are here to learn and grow. This is why I have decided to attack life in a slighty different way. I have a new approach to life's woes and I hope that this will help the friends I help too. I have decided to look at life through the wrong end of the telescope, which enables us to laugh at life's realities. Laughter is after all the best medicine. Laugh and you shall feel better. Come talk to me anytime, and I'll explain this to you in "Jenna-Lingo".

Trust me. It makes more sense in person.
:]

First & Foremost;

Life is good.

who are you to say?

Please stop coming around,
or at least just give me time to understand a few things.
if you come around right now, im not so sure that you're helping things.
right now in my life, I'm not trying to understand you or your intentions.
I'm trying to help myself right now.
For the first time in a long time, I'm going to do something for myself.

I don't want to be a part of a 12 step program.
I don't want to be on the bottom of the list.
If you're going to try, I might as well be on the top pf your list.
until then, I can't help but be angry.

I'm sorry that you missed out, and I'm sorry that you messed up.
Right now is not good for me, about 7 years ago I tried harder than any 10 year old out there.
I was the most anxious, hardworking, dedicated pre teen.
I attempted to write you everyday, I called you, hell I even spent my sunday afternoons eating countless popsicles while sitting in my tree waiting for you to remember me and that carnival you continually promised me.
It never happened.
I didn't give up though, until last year.

You finally showed up.
They cut down that tree last summer.

compassion?

Sometimes it is hard for the world to feel compassion for individual feelings when there is so much more at stake for the rest of the world. It seems almost impossible to help someone out in the time of need when their problems seem so miniscule when compared to larger issues. I think that is going to be one of my life lessons. At some point in my life I need to be able to find that compassion and that patience that is required to understand so many more people on individual levels. It is going to be a hard task, but honestly I feel that i can accomplish it.
I guess I kind of got the ball rolling myself lately. I'm starting to throw what I like to call 'pity parties'. I have been dealing with some internal problems lately. Its good in a way because its starting to shape me more andmore as a person, more than I ever really thought possible. I almost feel embarrassed to feel bad for myself. is that healthy? Is it bad for someone to care so little about the welfare of themselves that they end of throwing out their feelings completely? My life has become overwhelming to the point where I don't even know when to breathe or when to open my eyes. I just don't get it! I'm so angry at some things, but yet I'm so greatful at the same time! What the hell? There are storms and there are rainbows. It all mixes together into this whirlwind that I call life. I feel like I can't tell anyone these things because I'll be complaining about things that are so ridiculous. My homelife has changed dramatically this year. Its harming my family. what used to be a tight knit slightly dysfunctional family has turned into a mass of people with hurt emotions and angered tempers. There is confusion and there is ambiguous existence. I'm sorry. I just hate to bother people with problems that can only be solved by me changing my stubbornly oppinionated attitude and accepting things.

My mom blames me for everything, and I just can't take it anymore. It's more complicated than it sounds. I swear. I sound ridiculous, but if only you lived in my shoes and did the tasks I do daily you would understand. I'm sorry.

Thats why I think I am finally going to attempt to understand others. I'm tired of not understanding others. I'm going to have to build a lot of patience and then maybe then I can learn to sympathize others and their turmoils. I'm going to write this in my book, the one that i'm writing about parents and their rebellions to us teenagers. I need help. I need support. I need love. I just need you.

Tell me I can.

I know I can. I just need some help every now and then.

Loveliness

Sometimes I think it would be magnificent if our physical appearance was truly reflective of our personalities and our character. I wish that every part of my face and body was determined by how I was as a person. Then maybe just maybe I could be as beautiful as I feel and as extravagant as my character. I really think that it would teach the best lessons. Beautiful people really would be beautiful, inside and out, and those who are so indifferent and so cold, would resemble witches and warlocks.

I'm dreaming, but you have to admit that it would be cool.
&maybe we could better read other people, and we wouldn't get hurt so easily. I would love to not get hurt anymore. Its just a thought.

goodnight moon.
goodnight cyberspace.
goodnight jenna.

Breathe

Search Audio Codes

Frankie Sullivan

Frankie doesn't have good table manners.