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http://circusrunaway.tumblr.com/

I need a remedy;

Its these damn late Redlands' nights that always get me thinking. I swear there is just something prevalent in the air the second that sun drops behind the horizon that's created from the trees and homes that lie in front of my house. I'll never understand why the most thought provoking location in my life is right here on the edge of my late 1990's oak framed bed, (the one plastered in lavender flowers and fitted with the black-barbie sheets that my mom picked out, she always wanted me to be cultured, or so she said. I still think the sheets were on sale at Mervyn's so she got what was left.) I can never exactly explain myself too well, so once again I ask of you to just read my blog, and maybe you can see my heart's story pour out between the lines.
Lets begin at the beginning, shall we? Although there isn't really a beginning middle or end to my story, because after all this isn't really a story. I could make it one! Then you readers could figure out the theme of my writing! Or how about motifs and character struggles! NO. I'm really not that sort of writer. Forgive me. I'll stick to my usual. Flamboyant, edgy, ambiguous thoughts of my meandering, late-teenage mind.
I'm feeling very unappreciated by my #1 these days. Its the first time in a long time that I've had a handful of companions that I could rely on, but with that positive addition I feel like I've noticed Jon slipping quickly into his dreams of stardom and fame. I am overjoyed with the fact that he is finally accomplishing his one true dream. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I fear that soon enough this so-called passion is going to latch onto him like an ancient indian ritual of blood-sucking leeches. Music is becoming his number one thought. I'm almost as jealous of the music as I would be any girl that stepped in between me and the wonderful Mr. Giordano. So in the case of this blog, we'll refer to "the music" as skank. I felt it appropriate. I really don't want to elaborate, I only wish he supported me the way I supported him. I wish he held me in a similar way that he plays that guitar. I wish there was a bit more fairy dust in our love and most of all I wish he would read what I write, without query. That skank took my Jonny, and I'm afraid the only way to win him back is if I engulf myself amongst his passion. If I can't beat them, I'll join them.

I think...

...everything should...




PS: visit my other site!

CircusRunaway.

Can you spare some conversation?

I need a yellow taxi cab today.


I think it would be great to get away for a while. I really think its a needed action in my life. My life is like an ipod playlist set on repeat. The playlist is my favorite one i've made this year, it has great tunes and somber ballads. They're so monotonous to me now. I mean they're great songs, don't get me wrong, but I need change. Not just any kind of change. I need raw, self-induced, self-inflicted transformation. These songs are what I hear everyday, and their soft, beautiful harmonies have evolved into mundane noise that plays in the background of every scene of my not-so-dramatic drama. I have nothing wrong, no ailments, no death, but something is missing in my life, my love and my existence. I NEED something that I can't quite place a finger on what that just might be. I need to exist elsewhere for a while, before I make any rash decisions. I just want to to feel different. I want to feel more important, more real, more loved, more cherished. I am not needy, only blinded in love.


get over it Jenna.

COOL.

No longer are they pigs or jerks.
New idea of badass. :]

Weary?

I really feel like weary is not the proper term I need right now for how I have been feeling, but for now it will need to suffice as I do my usual duty of rambling on with nonsense as I attempt to tell the world my sorrows and delights. I am not quite sure of the word that is needed in my mind at this point. Do you ever find yourself thinking that? Do you ever ponder something deep in your mind, to the point where it seems to bring you down in a weird funk? I always get in weird funks, but because I am one to internalize everything, when I get around people or social gatherings I tuck it away in my little box only to unleash a great mess of emotions all over my journal's pages seconds before I sleep later that night. As of right now I am in that terrible funk and i can't seem to describe it. None of the words i have scoped out in my little pocket dictionary seem to connect with me right now. Irritated is too harsh. Annoyed too brash and weary seems to dramatic. I'm tired, but that doesn't seem to work either. I suppose I will just have to let the right word find me. Does that also really happen in life? Does God "find" us? Does true love "find" us? Are we really just supposed to wait on the side lines and clap as the rest go by, on their way to claiming their glory and living their futures? I think its up to me to manifest my own destiny. i think its up to me to create myself, but why have I not begun? Am i afraid of failure? I'm too sure. Hmmm. I need to eat. cookies anyone?

true.

Its right about this time of the day that I get bored. God save us all from my boredom. Last time I was bored I bathed the cat. With the cat actually.

Oh!

Love, or something like it.

This is my Jonny. :)

Maybe if it rains again the boots will come out to play!