Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
I've come to realize;
“A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon-flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.”
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
.
Somehow, I’m leading someone else’s life. I still see the way the moon plays this tune, though our night’s died. My hands shake. My knees quake. Its everyday, the same way.
When I’m lost. I look at my picture of you. I’ll make tonight my own. Show you every way I’ve grown. If you let me, I’ll show the world to you. If you let me, I’ll know just what to do.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Kindness;
I can't seem to put this book down. I keep reading it front to back, over and over.
- Rob Sheffield, Love Is A Mix Tape
"I was helpless in trying to return people’s kindness, but also helpless to resist it. Kindness is a scarier force than cruelty, that’s for sure. Cruelty isn’t that hard to understand. I had no trouble comprehending why the phone company wanted to screw me over; they just wanted to steal some money, it was nothing personal. That’s the way of the world. It made me mad, but it didn’t make me feel stupid. If anything, it flattered my intelligence. Accepting all that kindness, though, made me feel stupid.
Human benevolence is totally unfair. We don’t live in a kind or generous world, yet we are kind and generous. We know the universe is out to burn us, and it gets us all the way it got Renee, but we don’t burn each other, not always. We are kind people in an unkind world, to paraphrase Wallace Stevens. How do you pretend you don’t know about it, after you see it? How do you go back to acting like you don’t need it? How do you even the score and walk off a free man? You can’t. I found myself forced to let go of all sorts of independence I thought I had, independence I had spent years trying to cultivate. That world was all gone, and now I was a supplicant, dependent on the mercy of other people’s psychic hearts"
- Rob Sheffield, Love Is A Mix Tape
Friday, November 6, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Time is all around; except inside my box.
This weekend, to say the least, was rather eye opening. I must admit that I have been sifting through the bullshit that is my mind, and I think that I just might be coming to terms with myself and what I want with this so-called life. I met a few good people, saw Jason Mraz live at the Greek, engaged in the rekindling of an old friendship, felt trust for the first time in a VERY long time, enjoyed the smells, sights and wonderment of the joyous San Francisco (again) and definitely started to rethink where I’m going exactly. I love Berkeley, for the most part, but seeing the town and those people really helped me to organize my wants and needs for this future that I seem to be continuously pushing off to the side. You see folks, unfortunately, I have a terrible tendency to put most of life’s most important issues on the back-burner. In fact, its quite disgusting how much I would rather hop on a train to Chicago, and begin my ways as an ambivalent transient. I want too much with this minute existence that I can’t seem to root myself anywhere. I never received that gene. Comfort scares me, complacency bothers me. I can’t handle change, but I get consumed in habit. I want to live on forever in a continual state of wonderment, but sadly the conscious thought (what little I have) takes over me and reminds me, that in order to even be a transient, I must have money, and in order for one to have money, one must have a job, and in order for one to have a job, one must be educated. So, I suppose tomorrow morning I will resume the position of an irresolute socialite, who hides behind that smile. I will continue to laugh, and smile. I will make jokes, whilst the fire inside my soul continues to burn its way through my heart and into my esophagus, until it reaches my throat, and I become at a loss for words. I will walk with my secret, and hold my head high. All the while my shoulders, weighing down, in agony as I continue to run. Run away from opulence. Run away from my own desires, my own issues and my only chance at love. I want to be engaged in something passionate. I need an outlet, I need motivation. I want to exist, and exist well.
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