Rock n' Roll :]

"He’s been waiting around for the weekend
Figuring which club to sneak in
Fancy drinks and fifty-dollar cover charge
Lately it’s been a big hassle
Heineken and New Castle
So make sure he’s fitting in and living large
Disregard the lies that he will tell
and what he’s probably like 'cause
It's not hard his charm is gonna
Get him through the night
If he wants to rock he rocks
If he wants to roll he rolls
He can roll with the punches
Long as he feels like he’s in control
If he wants to stay he stays
If he wants to go he goes
He doesn’t care how he gets there
Long as he gets somewhere he knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
See her heavy make up and cut t-shirt
Every girl out wants to be her
But they look the same already why adjust
Reading the magazine secrets
Forgetting the topical regrets
If she comes home all alone the nights a bust
It’s a must the swivel in her hips
And the look she gives
It’s all her trust if only in the morning
She knew where she lived
'Cause If she wants to rock she rocks
If she wants to roll she rolls
She can roll with the punches
Long as she feels like she’s in control
If she wants to stay she stays
If she wants to go she goes
She doesn’t care how she gets there
Long as she gets somewhere she knows oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
ah na na na na na na na na na na na
And in a wink they’re on the brink
From drink to drink and at the bar
With cash to blow
From shot to shot it’s getting hot
Advance the plot to see how far
It’s gonna go
All depends so ditch the friends
And grab a cab
Another chance for cheap romance
Doesn’t count cause the room is spinning
Nothing to lose tonight they both are winning
And they fall in love as they fall in bed
They sing
If they want to rock they rock
If they want to roll they roll
They can roll with the punches
Long as they feel like they're in control
If they want to stay they stay
If they want to go they go
They don’t care how they get there
Long as they get somewhere they know oh no
ah na na na na na na na na na na na"
-Eric Hutchinson :]

Now;

All we can do is keep breathing.

khkshgls;

Its funny how I always seem to have so much to say all of the time no matter where i am at or what i am doing at that particular moment of my life. i always have something that i can/need to say. my thoughts are constantly flowing through my brain. they spread like wildfire at any given moment. most of the time i can say them freely and burst with words and sounds colorful gestures. Here is the thing though, i can only seem to burst out with utter happiness and constant joy. the bad stuff gets pent up inside of my brain. i can decided why. i dont understand if its because i'm too afraid to admit the flaw to myself or if its my inherently optimistic outlook on life that prevents me from seeing the flaws with reality. I swear somewhere along the lines my subconscious is blocking the negativity from my mind for some ridiculous reasons. i can't quite place my finger on it. I don't understand it. why can't i just say how i feel instead of writing it all in my journal or posting ambiguous blogs of nonsense. they never make sense, but that's the beauty to them and to me. me and the words formed here dont really seem to make sense. I need to learn to say how i feel when the emotion occurs. it does no good to hold inside because at that point it becomes old news. i have to tell people. but who want s to listen? the book. thats who. so i continuously write. lyrics. poetry. short stories. notes to myself. letters to them. and even some doodles. I can't hold it all in. maybe if i was more open with my thoughts people would be willing to understand the insanity, but im not even sure that this chaos is worthy of the word insanity. its not really all that bad. just a case of tears here, love there, hate there, BPD there, hurt, pain, love, nostalgia, death, disease, control issues, friendships lost, friendships gained, friends misplaced. its a mere mess of life. we all have it. some of us sweep it under the rug, others just clean the house top to bottom only to have it messy again. I tend to sweep it up and make a pile in the corner, but that pile is growing larger and its getting to be a huge problem. You can't ignore the elephant in the room. so here is my chaos-thus far. don't judge me. help me. call me. tell me you're there, even if its just for a nice chat about the weather. I'm not insane by any means. JUST HURT. Its a cumulation of pain though. Its my fault, and im ready to start repairing the damages.
On another note, I really enjoyed the united states of Leeland. I liked this quote alot.
"the funny thing about tears are they can't make somebody love you who doesn't love you anymore."- United States of Leeland.

Want;

I get this funny feeling that we aren't friends anymore and it hurts.
I can't quite place my finger on it though.
I keep lying to myself saying everything is the same and nothing has changed.
I don't think I did anything wrong, but I'm starting to question myself.
I want to make things work, on all sides of the spectrum.
I want to work it out with him and him and even him.
I want to talk to her.
I want to know why.
I want to stop wanting.


Gosh.

He who thinketh little of my thoughts;

I don't really care what you think.
I'm interested by it.
I'm intelligent.
Thank you.

Cahhh-lege.

I'm strong, but damnit this is harder than I expected.
This is definitely more difficult than I bargained for.
I can do it, but I miss so many people.
They're having such great lives and I'm not a part of any of it.
I will come home and visit eventually but as of right now its so hard to pretend that this change is completely ok with me.
I'm sorry, but I miss circus oh so much!
I want to live out my passion.
I want to tumble and swing and spin my way into the world.
I want to sing and dance and laugh and play!
OH DEARY ME!!!!!

GIVE ME BACK MY CIRCUS LIFE!

Haha;

I'm a liar!
I don't actually care about what you're saying.