I AM WORTHY;

I have this pressure behind my eyes.behind my brain.I so badly want to attribute it to the sinus infection.the runny nose. or possibly the conjested nasal cavity.I'm sure its none if these. I have this weight on my mind, my soul, my body.
I don't know how to relieve it- scratch that, i know just how to relieve it but i can't seem to reach far enough out to grasp on to the only antidote that i know exists. I feel in my heart and soul that what i need most is to go back to my knees where i met my savior not too long ago. judge me all you want ladies and gents but i am a follower of jesus christ. i struggle with it just like everyone else, but nonetheless i try my hardest to live with him on my side, walking my path, loving me. i have this issue though, with people, with blind faith, with arrogance. I love jesus, he gets me, but i have this dis-respect (if that's even correct grammar) for the arrogance of so many christ followers in today's society. so many ignorant, arrogant comments about the christian life disgust me. i am having trouble laying my crown at the feet of jesus. I can't help but feel a constant flow of happiness from the liberating feeling that jesus brings me, but at the same time i can't help but feel binded from the many flaws of people and religion. our pastor asked if anyone was struggling in the slightest in any aspect of their life today. he wanted to know if anyone was having trouble holding on to the hope of the kingdom of god. he wanted to know who was straying away from the arms of jesus. he wanted those who needed a prayer, a hug, guidance to stand today to be prayed for- or whatever it may be that was troubling us. I stood up today at church. i stood in a courageous effort to let myself know that i have to admit that i need some help here and there. i was told today, by someone i care for dearly that i wasn't worthy enough to stand at the feet of christ. how am i supposed to feel unconditionally loved when someone tells me that i didn't deserve to be prayed for this evening?? "I wouldn't have been so arrogant jenna, I wouldn't have stood. I would not have stood with you . I'm sorry, i don't mean to make a judgement call on you, but you really didn't deserve to stand up today. There are so many more problems in the world. people deal with death, disease and famine, but you- you have such miniscule issues in your life compared to so many. Don't you think it was selfish that you stood to be saved tonight?" I don't get it.


I'm sorrry, I must have felt worthy there for a second, my bad.