Time is all around; except inside my box.

This weekend, to say the least, was rather eye opening. I must admit that I have been sifting through the bullshit that is my mind, and I think that I just might be coming to terms with myself and what I want with this so-called life. I met a few good people, saw Jason Mraz live at the Greek, engaged in the rekindling of an old friendship, felt trust for the first time in a VERY long time, enjoyed the smells, sights and wonderment of the joyous San Francisco (again) and definitely started to rethink where I’m going exactly. I love Berkeley, for the most part, but seeing the town and those people really helped me to organize my wants and needs for this future that I seem to be continuously pushing off to the side. You see folks, unfortunately, I have a terrible tendency to put most of life’s most important issues on the back-burner. In fact, its quite disgusting how much I would rather hop on a train to Chicago, and begin my ways as an ambivalent transient. I want too much with this minute existence that I can’t seem to root myself anywhere. I never received that gene. Comfort scares me, complacency bothers me. I can’t handle change, but I get consumed in habit. I want to live on forever in a continual state of wonderment, but sadly the conscious thought (what little I have) takes over me and reminds me, that in order to even be a transient, I must have money, and in order for one to have money, one must have a job, and in order for one to have a job, one must be educated. So, I suppose tomorrow morning I will resume the position of an irresolute socialite, who hides behind that smile. I will continue to laugh, and smile. I will make jokes, whilst the fire inside my soul continues to burn its way through my heart and into my esophagus, until it reaches my throat, and I become at a loss for words. I will walk with my secret, and hold my head high. All the while my shoulders, weighing down, in agony as I continue to run. Run away from opulence. Run away from my own desires, my own issues and my only chance at love. I want to be engaged in something passionate. I need an outlet, I need motivation. I want to exist, and exist well.