Now, more than ever, I've been feeling rather needy- in terms of love and relationships. I can't quite figure out just exactly how I want to express myself though. I don't really have any genuine means of an outlet these days, just a few odd ended hobbies here and there. I'm trapped. Trapped within myself, waiting and wishing for a release. But instead I sit here as my pain festers and boils over into an explosion of ambiguous verbiage all over these precious keys of my precious tablet. I tried painting. I try writing. I bought a camera. I dance about. I sing, sing songs and knit and sew- none of which passionately enough to convey the deepest woes and sweetest sorrows of my ever-tearing emotional heart. If comfort were money, I'd be penniless. For as of now i don't feel that I'm getting the love that I so deserve. Or maybe Im just needy. I could of sworn that a relationship was centered around companionship and balance. I need him to realize that there is more to life than music. More to love than guitar. One shouldn't have to worry about the world when his, so-called "world" is in front of him. "I'm right here!", I'm dying to chant, but as my grandfather once had told me- its not my choice to make them see. He'll see what he has in time, but time can't come soon enough. I guess I just have to let time tick. I want the hurt to stop though. Thats the part they didn't warn you about. regardless of your patience, the wounds you still do feel.
These words struck home tonight as I listened to them as I lay awake in bed,
"Sometimes I wish for falling
Wish for the release
Wish for falling through the air
To give me some relief
Because falling's not the problem
When I'm falling I'm in peace
It's only when I hit the ground
It causes all the grief"
I couldn't agree more. Falling is the best part. I live for it, and the crash too. I feel like sometimes Jon and I grow so far apart from one another that we somehow get this cosmic need to crash into one another. To get that release. To feel...again. Too bad our remedy is fleeting.
Hopefully these kinks will work themselves out in time. Oh look, theres that blasted being again- Time.
if you only knew how incredible you are.
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