Oh, shitfire and apple butter.

Word.

Throughout your life there's a voice that only you can hear. It'd a call to the true value of your life- a call to make a difference that only YOU can make. If you never hear it, something magical will be lost, but if you hear it and heed it, then your life will become a wonderful romance and adventure. Now is the time. Jump in, Make a splash. Change the world.

Grasp it.

Just a little more proof that people just want to know how to
understand each other, no matter what the barriers look like.

Its hip, or whatever.

I can’t help but feel angry towards everything I cannot change. There is so much tension that has built up in my heart seething with anguish and tenderness at those who lack genuinity. In fact, I am so vexed by the thought of fake people that I have created the word, “genuinity”. I hate to see approval and praise of those who do the work of inauthentic ambition. I feel as if there are ample amounts of individuals who are so afraid of their identity, or lack there of, that they choose to hide in this accumulation of insecurities that will never be adequately dealt with. You’ve got your beauty queens, jocks, nerds, psychobilly jerks, stoners, hard-heads, gossip babblers, brown nosers, and slightly imperfect social abolitionists all seeking the same personal legend: The uncovering of this said Identity. In that search so many become lost along the journey, never actually reaching the destination of fulfillment. Everyone wants to save the world. Hipsters are the newest love child of pop culture and ever-changing history, who have made it their mission to live life passionately and for lack of a better term, uniquely. Although they add an eclectic aspect to society as we know it, I feel that the hipster trend has an extended trend of wanting to be identified as a creative, world changing soul who has a purpose. If you cannot tell by my tangled attempt at conveying my thoughts, I am bothered by people who crave to be creative, unfamiliar and compassionate world heros all for a passing trend. Its quite ironic if you really begin analyzing it all. These individuals set out to exist as non-conformists in a conforming world, all the while conforming to an already existing trend that is even marketable by businesses, stores, advertising and the elusive beast herself- the media. If we truly do care about the world the way we say we do, or if we truly do have a fervency to reshape this society it will happen in the most selfless, enlightened and refined way. It will happen naturally from real passions ignited by world chaos. I don’t get what I’m saying either. I can’t help but stumble on my own words as I clammer to understand myself. I don’t make sense, i just can’t stand certain things anymore. I don’t enjoy watching you and your selfish ways. If you really wanted to save the world, you’d of started already, Maybe I’m angry with myself. I apologize for my projections. I’m done. I’m officially going to embark on my exploration towards liberating my peers.

C'mon.

If you're feeling what I'm feeling c'mon.
All you soul searching people c'mon.

listen.

I've come to realize;

“A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it’s not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon-flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street.”

Beauty and her Beast.

.

Somehow, I’m leading someone else’s life. I still see the way the moon plays this tune, though our night’s died. My hands shake. My knees quake. Its everyday, the same way.

When I’m lost. I look at my picture of you. I’ll make tonight my own. Show you every way I’ve grown. If you let me, I’ll show the world to you. If you let me, I’ll know just what to do.

DO IT.

If you want to be slightly more educated you will click on me and READ my entirety.

Kindness;

I can't seem to put this book down. I keep reading it front to back, over and over.

"I was helpless in trying to return people’s kindness, but also helpless to resist it. Kindness is a scarier force than cruelty, that’s for sure. Cruelty isn’t that hard to understand. I had no trouble comprehending why the phone company wanted to screw me over; they just wanted to steal some money, it was nothing personal. That’s the way of the world. It made me mad, but it didn’t make me feel stupid. If anything, it flattered my intelligence. Accepting all that kindness, though, made me feel stupid.
Human benevolence is totally unfair. We don’t live in a kind or generous world, yet we are kind and generous. We know the universe is out to burn us, and it gets us all the way it got Renee, but we don’t burn each other, not always. We are kind people in an unkind world, to paraphrase Wallace Stevens. How do you pretend you don’t know about it, after you see it? How do you go back to acting like you don’t need it? How do you even the score and walk off a free man? You can’t. I found myself forced to let go of all sorts of independence I thought I had, independence I had spent years trying to cultivate. That world was all gone, and now I was a supplicant, dependent on the mercy of other people’s psychic hearts"

- Rob Sheffield, Love Is A Mix Tape

JonesSodaNeedsYourVotes :)

VOTE FOR ME!!!!!!

doG

Can you hear me God? It's me, Jenna.

Md,

MELTDOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Time is all around; except inside my box.

This weekend, to say the least, was rather eye opening. I must admit that I have been sifting through the bullshit that is my mind, and I think that I just might be coming to terms with myself and what I want with this so-called life. I met a few good people, saw Jason Mraz live at the Greek, engaged in the rekindling of an old friendship, felt trust for the first time in a VERY long time, enjoyed the smells, sights and wonderment of the joyous San Francisco (again) and definitely started to rethink where I’m going exactly. I love Berkeley, for the most part, but seeing the town and those people really helped me to organize my wants and needs for this future that I seem to be continuously pushing off to the side. You see folks, unfortunately, I have a terrible tendency to put most of life’s most important issues on the back-burner. In fact, its quite disgusting how much I would rather hop on a train to Chicago, and begin my ways as an ambivalent transient. I want too much with this minute existence that I can’t seem to root myself anywhere. I never received that gene. Comfort scares me, complacency bothers me. I can’t handle change, but I get consumed in habit. I want to live on forever in a continual state of wonderment, but sadly the conscious thought (what little I have) takes over me and reminds me, that in order to even be a transient, I must have money, and in order for one to have money, one must have a job, and in order for one to have a job, one must be educated. So, I suppose tomorrow morning I will resume the position of an irresolute socialite, who hides behind that smile. I will continue to laugh, and smile. I will make jokes, whilst the fire inside my soul continues to burn its way through my heart and into my esophagus, until it reaches my throat, and I become at a loss for words. I will walk with my secret, and hold my head high. All the while my shoulders, weighing down, in agony as I continue to run. Run away from opulence. Run away from my own desires, my own issues and my only chance at love. I want to be engaged in something passionate. I need an outlet, I need motivation. I want to exist, and exist well.

Words to the wise.

Cool summer grass
it beckons and calls
and I lie here with you
in my heart
now I tried but I failed
to hide and disguise
this one simple
sentiment
I can’t forget you

-Lowery

Mmm.

If you must know, I haven't found the right words to put here for some time now. I've lost that creative spark, and now here I sit a mess of words at my finger tips and not a word will do. I'll be back with thoughts before you know it, but for now here are some pictures of my latest adventure with ms.kholland. :)






check me out on facebook. Facebook.com/cirquedujenna

Visit Me.

http://circusrunaway.tumblr.com/

I need a remedy;

Its these damn late Redlands' nights that always get me thinking. I swear there is just something prevalent in the air the second that sun drops behind the horizon that's created from the trees and homes that lie in front of my house. I'll never understand why the most thought provoking location in my life is right here on the edge of my late 1990's oak framed bed, (the one plastered in lavender flowers and fitted with the black-barbie sheets that my mom picked out, she always wanted me to be cultured, or so she said. I still think the sheets were on sale at Mervyn's so she got what was left.) I can never exactly explain myself too well, so once again I ask of you to just read my blog, and maybe you can see my heart's story pour out between the lines.
Lets begin at the beginning, shall we? Although there isn't really a beginning middle or end to my story, because after all this isn't really a story. I could make it one! Then you readers could figure out the theme of my writing! Or how about motifs and character struggles! NO. I'm really not that sort of writer. Forgive me. I'll stick to my usual. Flamboyant, edgy, ambiguous thoughts of my meandering, late-teenage mind.
I'm feeling very unappreciated by my #1 these days. Its the first time in a long time that I've had a handful of companions that I could rely on, but with that positive addition I feel like I've noticed Jon slipping quickly into his dreams of stardom and fame. I am overjoyed with the fact that he is finally accomplishing his one true dream. I wish I could say the same for myself, but I fear that soon enough this so-called passion is going to latch onto him like an ancient indian ritual of blood-sucking leeches. Music is becoming his number one thought. I'm almost as jealous of the music as I would be any girl that stepped in between me and the wonderful Mr. Giordano. So in the case of this blog, we'll refer to "the music" as skank. I felt it appropriate. I really don't want to elaborate, I only wish he supported me the way I supported him. I wish he held me in a similar way that he plays that guitar. I wish there was a bit more fairy dust in our love and most of all I wish he would read what I write, without query. That skank took my Jonny, and I'm afraid the only way to win him back is if I engulf myself amongst his passion. If I can't beat them, I'll join them.

I think...

...everything should...




PS: visit my other site!

CircusRunaway.

Can you spare some conversation?

I need a yellow taxi cab today.


I think it would be great to get away for a while. I really think its a needed action in my life. My life is like an ipod playlist set on repeat. The playlist is my favorite one i've made this year, it has great tunes and somber ballads. They're so monotonous to me now. I mean they're great songs, don't get me wrong, but I need change. Not just any kind of change. I need raw, self-induced, self-inflicted transformation. These songs are what I hear everyday, and their soft, beautiful harmonies have evolved into mundane noise that plays in the background of every scene of my not-so-dramatic drama. I have nothing wrong, no ailments, no death, but something is missing in my life, my love and my existence. I NEED something that I can't quite place a finger on what that just might be. I need to exist elsewhere for a while, before I make any rash decisions. I just want to to feel different. I want to feel more important, more real, more loved, more cherished. I am not needy, only blinded in love.


get over it Jenna.

COOL.

No longer are they pigs or jerks.
New idea of badass. :]

Weary?

I really feel like weary is not the proper term I need right now for how I have been feeling, but for now it will need to suffice as I do my usual duty of rambling on with nonsense as I attempt to tell the world my sorrows and delights. I am not quite sure of the word that is needed in my mind at this point. Do you ever find yourself thinking that? Do you ever ponder something deep in your mind, to the point where it seems to bring you down in a weird funk? I always get in weird funks, but because I am one to internalize everything, when I get around people or social gatherings I tuck it away in my little box only to unleash a great mess of emotions all over my journal's pages seconds before I sleep later that night. As of right now I am in that terrible funk and i can't seem to describe it. None of the words i have scoped out in my little pocket dictionary seem to connect with me right now. Irritated is too harsh. Annoyed too brash and weary seems to dramatic. I'm tired, but that doesn't seem to work either. I suppose I will just have to let the right word find me. Does that also really happen in life? Does God "find" us? Does true love "find" us? Are we really just supposed to wait on the side lines and clap as the rest go by, on their way to claiming their glory and living their futures? I think its up to me to manifest my own destiny. i think its up to me to create myself, but why have I not begun? Am i afraid of failure? I'm too sure. Hmmm. I need to eat. cookies anyone?

true.

Its right about this time of the day that I get bored. God save us all from my boredom. Last time I was bored I bathed the cat. With the cat actually.

Oh!

Love, or something like it.

This is my Jonny. :)

Maybe if it rains again the boots will come out to play!

Hmph.

Why do I care so much?! I always feel the need to get angry at him, its that little ounce of control that I still have over him. That's all I have. Its all I have left to control. My own emotions, so I get mad at him. For having fun and laughing and drinking while I sit alone at home because I'm so lost in my own morality that I just runaway. The worst feeling is that I sit here alone, typing vague bleak thoughts. They bounce off my keyboard and beyond into the vast cyberspace world, where I know with all my heart and soul that he will never come across this. I've told him that I write, that it isn't good but it's from my heart and that maybe to someone its good, but he has yet to read anything I've spilled from my brain. Doesn't he know that I listen to HIS music everyday while I walk to class, wait for class, work-out, run, cry?! I feel so lame. I am, aren't I? I can't bare to tell him all of this though, because it means that once again I'm too dramatic and unreasonable. I just want him to care, but without me asking. I just wish he'd follow through with his promises. I ask way too much. I'm so demanding. I can only seem to control though, I'm sick, and twisted. I disgust myself. I wish he would just pick up those books he told me he'd read for me. I wish he'd stop drinking. I'm so terribly afraid of mistakes to be made. I literally wait for them to happen. I stress over the next fight, because I sense it on the horizon. I know its coming. I walk on egg shells. I'm too unstable for this relationship. And what's keeping the flame alive? A little intimacy here and there? Stubborn natures? I have no idea. I wish he'd understand that. I want...blek. Never mind. It doesn't even make sense. I want to start over, be free. I want to travel. I want him there. BUT I want a different version, and for that want I am a terrible person. I want to experience. And I want to do it passionately.

Okay, world. I get it.

Dear World,
There is always one last light to turn out and one last bell to ring. The last one out of the circus has to lock up everything. I want to be that last one out, lock it all up and close the gates.
Its becoming increasingly difficult to manage my time and my life these days. I don't really know what I"m doing or where I'm going. I know its a trend, we all feel the same and all that jazz, but I have no one. Or at least I feel in such a way. Everyone I thought would be there is missing. Everyone I want to be there is disconnected and my own personal distractions and issues have spilled over into my public thought and now I sit here in confusion waiting for answers! I want some close friends that I can go to at all hours of the night. I wish I was comfortable enough to talk to people when I was sad. I can't seem to bring myself to speak at those moments. I just hush, smile and bow my head in sadness. I can't seem to grasp a handle on life. I need help.
Love, Jenna

JENNA, its time you:

1. Learn to say NO. You can't help everyone.
2. Manage your time.
3. STOP being a flake. You're practically a professional.
4. Love with all your might. Believe it or not there are people who do love you and want no more in life than to love you.
-The world

HAHA.

:/

After seeing that movie 3 times, then weighing my life, then seeing what I see, then talking with them, and knowing what i want, and not seeing it. ITs time i make a pros and cons list.

Step 2. Letting Go

Its about time I start telling myself the advice that I tell so many other people. Its about time that I actually listen to myself talk. I talk alot. Almost too much for myself to comprehend, because you see... I have ADD. Now its time that I break up this process into steps. We've learned that we need to accept. We may not use it and apply it everyday, but we know that it needs to be done. We're starting to grow. We're learning. We'll get there. Now this was my sad attempt at transitioning to the next step of my progress of change for this new year. Its called letting go. We've accepted that something was wrong. We've accepted that we were unhappy. We've accepted that something happened. We've accepted the past and now its time to let it go and move on. Grow. Prosper. Here is the next challenge: Let go.
As for me its time that I understand the past so that I can leave it behind. I used to think that only a miracle wold help me move on. I have this obsessive tendency to let simple things chew away at me. I let moments of the past, expired empty promises and forgotten days eat away at me. I kept living in the past and focusing on what was done wrong so long ago. Some things were done right but never ended up working out. I never knew that the miracle I was anticipating was something none other than a shift in perception. We need to go back a few steps to go forward, so this is where I began my quest for resolving my issues of the past, so that I can go forward. The present is the only time there is. My miracle is a shift in thinking from what I might have done in the past or should be doing for my future to what I feel is right in the present. THe capacity we have for brilliance is equal to the capacity we have to forget the past and forget the future. The only meaning our past has is that it got us to where we are. It built our character. It taught us to love. It showed us the light. We are here because of where we were. Keep the good, let the rest go. Then what we are left with is the present. The opportunity to push forward, to go and grow and shape a new beginning. Create the start of something new. I've been struggling for sometime now with my past and the past of others. If it effects me I let it eat away at my heart and soul. It used to be an addiction I had. I was addicted to making myself feel sad and angry for things that people did. Its time that I, and whoever else may be reading this (Not many I'd assume) to forgive and move on. "Forgiveness is selective remembering. Its a conscious decision to focus on love and let the rest go." Let the moments of the past be your greatest teachers. Let the bad people of the past be the ones who test your capacity to forgive. It will make us stronger. Its easy to forgive somebody who has never hurt us before, but if one can forgive somebody for extreme amounts of pain, you can let everything but the good go and progress further into your future. I can't count the number of times that I let other girls pasts, Jon's EVERYTHING, image issues, beauty dilemmas, words or unfulfilled promises break me down. I let all the people of the past rule my every action of the now. I lived by what they did and how they acted. Oh she was so much prettier! Oh and she was so much more awesome! She saved the world! She partied! She was fun! They were happy. She was perfect :/ They were perfect. He hurt me. He lied. He left. She cried. Its built us all. Now lets leave it behind like birds do when they fly away. Focus on what's to come. What's now. Its time that we all realize that the only way to move on is to forgive and accept. I'm ready. I've sewed up the tears and goo-be-goned the carpets. Its going to be a great life. :)

Here's the challenge: Live in the present. Let go. Live. Smile. :)

Step 1. Accepting

This is the part of the day/evening where my inner child comes out to play. That 3 foot midget is cooped up inside my large intestines for far too long during daylight savings times. Its been a long hard day at the office (Ok so maybe it wasn't that long and maybe it wasn't even that difficult & to be quite honest I don't nor will i ever have an office, but damn it I sure had my own moments of bitter frustration on this fine March day). I sit here on a children's playground in a park in Fullerton, CA. I sit here because its the best place for me to sit and breather and smile. I sit here because its my escape. I sit here because nobody bothers me when I play here (I'm not gonna lie that could be simply because other parents fear that I will kidnap their children, which to my defense has not happened anymore since Billy at Sylvan park...kids are more fun to play dodgeball with than adults I know) Its the place that I call my own. I have always been young at heart, but wise in mind and body. Its my spirit that keeps me on the go. I play on slides, I pretend I am a dinosaur and I finger-paint. I'm also 19 years old. Don't judge. I think its safe to say that I am a rather unique young individual. I don't care what pop songs sing to you or what Rousseau and Plato (some of our greatest philosophical writers) have written about for centuries I am unique damn it. After all, its what I pride myself on. I'm not exceptionally excellent at anything in particular. I don't have any special skills and to be quite completely honest I'm really not that jaw dropping. In the sense of first glances I actually seem to be quite normal. BUT give me about 3.2 seconds to open my mouth, think a thought or move a finger and it becomes clearly evident that there is something strange about this body that writes before you. I can't explain it to you. I can try but at the end of the list you may find yourself cringing and looking for the red x at the top of this blog window, you may not even want to be my friend. I shall give it a go nonetheless:

I'm pushy. I'm an ugly stain on a plain white T. I live vicariously through other's acts of love and happiness. I stare. I poop (what?! Girls don't poop!). I drink way too much tea. I yell at my mother. I love my mother with every thread of my being. Contrary to popular belief I do stand for what I believe in. I'm stubborn. I'm socially awkward beyond belief. I enjoy smelling my own farts. I pick my nose. I'm overly obsessed with pleasing people. I'm overly obsessed with becoming the next Ellen Degeneres. I'm in extreme like with George Clooney. I'm borderline pathetic which some may know as a "doormat". I try too hard. I laugh extremely loud. I am confident. I am determined. They use my nose to cover Connecticut when it rains. I cannot pick a FAVORITE color. I enjoy sniffing kitty cats. I leap without looking. I say irreversibly stupid things. I have been kissed by a whopping 2 people in my life. I'm afraid to put my everything into believing in God. I fear the unknown. I find an incomparable love for elderly people. I smile too often. I have a happiness disease. Some would say that its a good thing. I have a way with people. Apparently I can make anyone have a better day. My remedy is sidewalk chalk. I am afraid to be loved. I almost believe its impossible. I'm passionate. I aspire to be a professional circus performer. Too often I live in a dream, rather than manifest my own reality. I am nothing. I am something. I love him. I have finally forgiven my father. i want a pony. I ride a unicycle. I fly on a trapeze. I spin on spanish webs. I live to perform. I write films and stand-up comedy acts in my journal. I sing on my bike. I kiss too much. Although I may seem outlandish and overbearing with loves and hugs I couldn't be more frightened of the damn things. I secretly wish I was 2 inches taller. I wish he understood. I want a peanut putter and jelly sandwich. I cook because it means that I have created something. I fear that he will never understand, nor wish to. I cry. I wish I could love more. I wish I could give more. I want to help everyone. I enjoy being right. I smell funny. I have a bunion on my left foot's big toe. I have a concave sternum. I have clammy hands. I hate shrimp. I can't digest cheese. I text more than I should. I pride myself on being the creator of a room exploding in laughter. I love. I live. I'm kind. I'm compassionate. I feel amazing, but more than anything I'm happy. Im happy beyond measure. Its inconceivable. I wouldn't change it for the world.

Maybe it isn't so bad after all, but as the list goes on you'll come to realize that I am a rather different form, but at the end of the day I know who I am and what I stand for & for that ladies and gentlemen I couldn't be more proud. I am me. So what if I have irrational fears or I pick flowers with my toes (did I not mention that before? It happens.) The point is that no matter my mood or no matter my frights I am happy. I can't help it. I can only hope that my ideals and my inherently happy diseases becoming catching, preferably airborne.
This is my challenge to you, LOVE with all your heart but most of all love yourself.
ACCEPTANCE.

Listen up!

I've decided to quit over-obsessing on my current idols (Ie; Ellen Degeneres, George Clooney, Noah& the whale etc.) and instead start my own blog that gives you folks at home or in ya dorms my own little views on life and other modern inconveniences. Keep yourselves on the edge of your seats, by anticipating my next words. They will be great. Maybe. We'll see. I'll keep you folks posted. Until then, go indulge yourselves and go to ellen's homepage!!
:)

Ellen's Thought(s).

One of my favorite Ellen thoughts:
"Checks and Balances
I went to the grocery store this weekend to buy some sundries, and something horrific happened. I got caught in line behind a woman who paid with a check. That's pure torture. I thought I was on "Punk'd." Who pays with a check anymore? I never do. I only use my American Express card. (wink) Writing out a check could not take longer. First of all, they don't even get the checkbook out until everything's bagged. Then they have to look at the driver's license, get a manager's approval, stamp it, put it in the special drawer... sacrifice a goat. It takes forever. Then they take out their register and balance their checkbook before they leave. "Let's see, carry the one, take away the nine, add the four..." Even when I used checks, I didn't record them. I just waited for them to bounce and then I knew how much I spent. And if you make a mistake, then you have to void it and start over, or put your initials on it to make it "legal." Is that really legal? How do they know who wrote the initials? It's just two capital letters. Unless you're Prince. Then it's just the one; "P." Maybe that's why he changed his name to that symbol for a while. Harder to forge. I'll bet he has purple checks... with rain on them. Purple Rain checks. Some people take the time to write in the "memo" line. That's so when they get their canceled checks back, they can remember what they were for. "To the LAPD. LAPD? What's this for? (look down to memo line) Ah, yes... bail. Lucky there's that memo line. I thought it was a reminder section. Like, if you write a check to your plumber. In the memo section you can put, 'Remember to wear a belt next time you fix my sink.'"
-Ellen Degeneres

Oh I am OBSESSED.

Favoritist Things.

My List of Favorite Things: (In NO particular order)
1. Sidewalk chalking!
2. Eating fresh baked cookies in front of the YMCA fitness center window whilst the members work out.
3. Neck kisses.
4. Melon syrup in green tea from Starbucks.
5. Secrets
6. Lemon poppyseed scones.
7. Lemonade, Ice tea and other various refreshing liquids.
8. Hammocks!
9. Water Jumping in puddles.
10. Trapezes, Lears, and Ribbons.
11. Scootering in the rain.
12. Playing on jungle gyms.
13. Reading good books.
14. Wearing his jacket.
15. Cooking delicious meals!
16. Laughter.
17. Causing laughter.
18. Having hope.
19. Trusting and being trusted (The greatest feelings in the world)
20. Doing childish things
21. Fixing things. For good.
22. Acoustic Sets.
23. Living vicariously through other's acts of love.
24. Baking/cooking/creating
25. ELLEN DEGENERES.




To be continued...

Confusion has taken it's toll.

Lately I have been so consumed in trying to figure everything out that I have lost my idea of where I was going and what I was doing. I don't really know what to say or what to write anymore. I'm just kind of living. Just going forward, backward and probably even sideways. I don't know what I'm doing. I know what I want and I know how to get it, I'm just not really trying. That angers me. I can do so much, but I'm not doing anything! Ugh. I need to so much more. I really do. So here is my advice to myself. Stop trying to fix so many things, get a hold of the things you have and go forward. Go. Achieve. Do. You have so much power and potential. Act on what you can act on and stop thinking about the things you can't change or deal with. Its up to you to achieve what you want. Do what you can for now.




This is me smiling. :]

Its going to be a good semester. I am going to dance more, play more and smile often. Why not?

:D

.

I'm angry.

It's 2009.

It's yet another new year, it doesn't feel different. I spent it in my usual ways only this time with different people at my side. It wasn't any better than last year, but it wasn't any worse. It was just another NEW YEARS EVE. Its just another excuse for me to "change". Its just another way for me to push myself to achieve higher goals, be a better person and just feel better about my existence. This is the point in my night where I tell the world of my hopes for the coming year. I have one resolution, it covers many things and it aims high. I want to achieve great things, but before I can begin a life that is happy and pleasurable I must learn one thing.
My resolution: to accept.
I've learned a lot in the few years that I've spent on this lovely earth, and lately everything is spiraling down to one lesson.
ACCEPTANCE. I need to realize and learn that the only way that I am going to be a happier person is if I learn to ACCEPT. I need to accept the man who claims to be my father. I need to accept that God is real. I need to accept the fact that my friends will come and go, they will get angry they will cry, they will be there, and they will even disappear (as i did for a period of time). They might come back, they may leave forever, but when it comes down to it, I HAVE TO ACCEPT whatever cards are dealt. I need to accept the fact that people can only change themselves. I CANNOT change them, I can support and I can influence but I cannot control the metamorphosis. This leads into the recurring project. I must learn to ACCEPT CHANGE when it finally does occur. I must foster it, nurture it, ACCEPT it. How could I possibly expect to transform the world if I can't handle change? I need to accept the things that are going on around these people and with me. That is my resolution for the year 2009, I will accept all things. I will accept why things are done. I will accept people, actions, thoughts, ideas, dreams, and so on. I have to. Without this first step, I can't move on and become something more.

I'm starting on my journey. It's 2009, why not? Join me, won't you?